Why I Run

Sweat, tears, and fun. Yes, tears and fun can integrate into the same experience when you run. Today started with tears for my three year old, Gideon as he ran his first race in the Valley Harvest Marathon Kids Run. I knew trouble was ahead when Gideon fell asleep on the hour-long drive to the race, which meant waking him up and facing a cranky boy shortly before his turn. To my surprise, he seemed excited when he woke up, remembering what he had been running around the house practicing for the past few weeks. Then, in the registration line, the tears began. Most kids would be excited to receive a new T-shirt. Not Gideon. He was NOT wearing it for the race. Then he refused to wear his nametag pinned to his shirt. He cried and cried until his race was about to begin. I told him, "Okay, don't worry about the T-shirt and nametag. Just run! This is supposed to be fun!!!" So, he ran as fast as his little legs would carry him for 200 meters. Unfortunately, the race was 400 meters. When he realized he was only halfway, he sat down on the track and wailed a heart-wrenching cry. I tried to hold his hand and run with him. He was not moving. So, I picked him up my 37 pound boy and carried him for 200 meters until we crossed the finish line. Gideon was still crying. He was second-last (another parent was carried his little guy behind me), but we did it. He still received his special green medal for finishing the race.

Then, it was Kierra's turn. My six year old is small for her age, but mighty. She is a determined young lady. She didn't train for this race, and I have to admit I was not confident she could run 800 meters without stopping. But, I encouragingly said, "You can do it!" When the horn sounded, she was off. In the pack of kids, I lost track of her, so I jogged to the other end of the green to catch sight of her on the track. She was not there near the back... had she dropped to the ground like her brother? I ran over to see... not there. I raced back to the finish line in time to see her almost there! I couldn't find her because she was in the front pack of kids!! Face white and blochy, sweat beaded on her forehead, she was running her hardest, not giving up! She probably finished 12th out of 30. I was so proud!

Caleb... my competitive yet emotional boy. I prayed he wouldn't have a breakdown if he didn't win. He gave it his all, and when I saw him approaching the finish line in 9th place out of 30 something 8-year olds, sweating and smiling ear to ear, I was beaming too.

So, tomorrow it's my turn to run my first 5k. I'm nervous but excited. It's so much more than just running a physical race for me. I run because I need to. It is my natural therapy, a healthy escape from the craziness of life. No, it's not always fun. I have run in pouring rain, coming home completely drenched. Sometimes I give up earlier than intended because my stomach is upset from running too soon after a big meal or because my bunions are giving me pain. So why run if there is pain involved? Because three and a half years ago I started dealing with anxiety and depression that was negatively affecting me as a wife, as a mom, and as a person. Running clears my mind. It gives me energy for my day and gives me a new perspective. I am a better mom and wife when I run regularly. No, I don't run marathons or even the 10k yet, but I have a goal, and that goal keeps me striving ahead. Tomorrow is the 5k, and next year hopefully the 10k. My plan is to run the half-marathon the year I turn 40.

It's Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada, and I can't think of a better time to run a race. I'm thankful for a healthy body to run and an amazing husband who supports me in it.  I'm thankful for my silly, wonderful kids who give us so much joy.  I give thanks to God who has healed me in so many ways the past few months. He continues to give me strength to fight this battle of depression. "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Phil.3:13,14) Some days I feel like going to sleep and not ever waking up, but as I fix my eyes on Jesus, I "run with perseverance the race marked out for me." Not a physical race, but the life I'm given. Unfortunately each of us has events and circumstances in life we cannot control and bring us hurt and pain, but perseverance for me means trusting God with every breath. Trusting that He really is good and that He really does love me. "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength."(Phil.4:13). Strength to run a race, and strength to beat the battle of depression and anxiety for good.

Yes, running involves sweat and sometimes even tears, but it is fun too. Maybe not the actual running part, but how it feels when the run is completed. I won't give up in the middle of my race like my sweet Gideon, but I may cry when it's over. Tears of JOY.

Loneliness

I often wonder, how many moms are lonely? If you're a stay-at home mom, do you ever feel the ache of loneliness as you cook, clean, buy groceries, and look after your kids? If you work outside the home, do you ever feel that similar ache away from your kids but surrounded by people? I have moved nine times in the past twelve years, so loneliness is a normal part of adjusting to a new place, new home, and new friends for me. But I wonder, those of you who have lived in the same place most of your life, do you ever have similar feelings? I have lived hundreds of miles away from my family for most of my married life, so I often envy those who have their moms nearby to visit or to have the freedom to drop off the kids without much advance notice for a much needed break. I did have the opportunity to live near my parents for two years, and I cherish those moments Now I chat with my mom on the phone from the other side of Canada.

The thought I have today is, how many of us are in our homes feeling lonely next door to another mom who is feeling the same way? And why are we not together more? For me, my excuse is often, "I can't have anyone over today! My house is a disaster! They will think I am the most disorganized person they've ever met!" Especially after yesterday. My stubborn, yet absolutely adorable 3-year old refused to have a bowel movement for 9 days. Yesterday, on the 10th day, he was in excruciating pain. With a white face, he shook violently while he tried to do his business, crying in the most heart-wrenching wail. As I hugged him and rubbed his tummy, I shook with tears too. Seeing your child in pain is one of the hardest things for a mom, especially when you have done everything possible to help the situation! After a week of prune juice, bran, flax seed, blueberries, and medicine, I finally prayed, "Lord, please let Gideon poop today! The poor guy is bloated and in excruciating pain!" Well, God answered that prayer, and He must have a sense of humor, because poop was everywhere! Some made it to the potty, some in the pull-up, more on the bathroom floor, the bathtub walls and even on the soap. Piles of poop littered his white bedroom carpet. So... do I get upset or do I thank God??? Gideon's tummy feels much better today, and of course I cleaned up the stinky mess yesterday, but in the midst of everything, including a trip to the doctor's office, I had no time to do everything else. My laundry is unfolded on the floor. My dirty dishes from yesterday are still in the sink. The vacuuming didn't get done and I still haven't put makeup on at 10:30am. So, does anyone want to come for coffee? I guess what I wonder is, if you are lonely, and I am too, can we still get together in sweat pants and no makeup, with dishes in the sink, and enjoy each other's company? Can we laugh about the joys and trials of motherhood and share a box of Oreos since I didn't have a chance to bake those blueberry scones I wanted to before you came over?

I think that true beauty is not from perfect clothes, sparkly jewelry, and a spotless house. It comes from within. I want to invite people over who don't mind my imperfect life and will share theirs with me. Let me know if you can come over, and I'll put on the coffee and grab that box of Oreos!