Do you trust me?

"Do you trust me?" Tim asks the kids this as they play a little game. Kierra is always the first to want a turn. She stands on her bed with her back toward daddy, and while keeping her legs straight, she falls backwards into his arms. Of course, he catches her every time! The boys try the game too sometimes, but with frequent looks backwards and words like, "Are you sure you're right there?" Daddy's arms are strong, so even though Caleb is now over 70 pounds, he never falls to the floor below.

God has been asking me the same question lately, "Do you trust me?" I have been struggling with anxiety again in some areas of my life. On Saturday the worry was consuming me so much that I decided to set out on a longer run than usual... 8km instead of the usual 3-5km. First I listened to encouraging tunes on my iphone as I jogged, enjoying the rare blue sky and the warm sun. After many attempts to keep my earphones in while running, I finally gave up and decided to pray instead. After thanking Him for as many things as I could think of, I started questioning Him with my fears. "How can I handle ....? What about my kids? I don't like this... " I began to rattle off question after question, but for every single fear, God answered me with words like, "I will never leave you or forsake you. Remember when you worried about Kierra and Gideon's health? You learned to trust me, and look what I've done! They are being healed. Don't you think I care about this situation too?" My biggest fear was about how some decisions would affect Caleb. "But Lord, what about Caleb???" God's answer was, "I am the Creator of all the earth. I knit Caleb together in your womb. Don't you think I know what's better for him than you do?"

Then I heard a soft whisper in my ear, "Do you trust me?" By then I could barely run because I was weeping. I sat down on a bench in the woods not far from our street. After a few minutes when my tears stopped and I began to walk slowly out of the woods, I heard the question one last time. This time, I looked up into the sky and finally replied, "Yes, God. I don't know what's going to happen, but I trust You." At that exact moment, a small cloud passed over my head that looked exactly like a cross. You don't have to believe me, or you can think it was a coincidence or in my imagination, but I know what I saw, and as I gazed up at the cross, I thanked God. He IS good. Life is hard, but we can know that God is with us when we completely trust in Him.

There are so many verses in the Psalms about trust. "But I trust in Your unfailing love..." (Ps.13:5), "Those who know Your name will trust in you, for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you." (Ps.9:10) "But I trust in You, O Lord. I say, 'You are my God.' My times are in Your hands..."(Ps.31:14,15) "The Lord's unfailing love surrounds the man (or woman!) who trusts in him." (Ps.32:10) "But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear Him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love." (Ps.33:18) "When I am afraid, I will trust in You." (Ps.56:3) That's just scratching the surface! Check out your concordance in the back of your Bible for all the verses on trust.

There's a song I really like by Joseph Zwanziger called "Shadow of Your Wings." Here are the words:

Riches come and go
Health is but a fleeting breath
Happiness and sorrow shift like the ocean's tide.
But one thing remains... You will never change.

Jesus, You are my life.
Your hand upholds me when my strength is all but gone.
You are my help, so I will sing beneath the shadow of Your wings.

Flowers fade away.
Seasons come and seasons go.
The things we're sure will stay are here today and gone tomorrow,
But one thing remains... You will never change.

You are faithful. You've always been faithful and forever will be.


God may be asking you the same question, "Do you trust me?"  Are you having a difficult time leaning back into His arms? Don't worry, His arms are strong. He'll catch you every time. He is right there, waiting for you to make the first move and trust Him. Completely.

Little Miracles

I'm praising God for a little miracle today. Gideon has struggled with chronic constipation since he was a baby. He is now 4. We tried prune juice and Activia yogurt and All Bran. It helped for a while, but not for long. We tried eliminating milk, but it didn't make a difference. Poor Gideon would be bound for a week and then be in so much pain he was scared to poop. This prolonged his potty training, so he was still in diapers until 3 and a half. We finally tried Restoralax, a medication the doctor recommended. We tried it as needed, but it wasn't helping consistently, so the doctor told us to use it every day. This led to the need to buy pull-ups again because Gideon was not able to control his bowels. He was almost 4 and I wondered how he could possibly attempt preschool next year with this issue!

Another struggle for Gideon has been leaving me when I drop him off at Cubbies (a program for preschoolers) and Sunday school. Many kids have separation anxiety, so I tried to patiently help him gain confidence. I tried staying with him for a while, I tried leaving immediately, and I tried rewards. I tried extra hugs and kisses, and I tried discipline as he is a strong willed boy who I thought was just trying to be in control. He would rattle off his excuses of being tired or having a tummy ache. Little did I know that these excuses were most likely true...

I took Gideon to a holistic nutritionist last week. He was tested for food sensitivities and was found to have many foods that stress his body: milk, yogurt, cheese, sugar, wheat, tomatoes, strawberries, and even honey and maple syrup. She found that his large intestine and nervous system were weakened, and that the medicine he was taking was actually irritating his bowels. We immediately removed all of those foods from Gideon's diet, as well as the medicine,  and we also give him flax seed, flax seed oil, acidophilus, and aloe vera juice every day. After just a few days, he is a healthy boy!! Not only is he regular, but he is not complaining of tummy aches. This has not just improved his digestion, but his attitude! We all handle life better when we feel well! For the first time since September, Gideon did not cry, kick, scream, or shy away from going to both Cubbies and Sunday school! I really believe that feeling well has given him confidence!

I am so thankful that God brought an amazing nutritionist into our lives, and for this little miracle that has impacted our family.